Friday, April 11, 2008

From Bad to Worse

I have to start out this entry by saying
God is good.
All the time.
God is good.

OK, now I can begin writing (as difficult as this is).

I feel like we reached our lowest point today in this process. We received a phone call from Emily and her family. They had a conference call scheduled with their attorney this morning. They were caught off guard by what she shared. In a nutshell, the attorney told Emily she needs to seriously consider parenting this baby. We could be in for a long fight, a long battle of the wills, and she could be compromising her rights as the birthmother

Shocking? Yes.
Rattling? To the core.
Doubting God? No.

After Sam and I received this information we could do nothing but cry (ok, probably me more than Sam). We started praying, reading Scripture, crying out to God. What else could we do? 

In fact, it seems that is all we can do anymore. Pray. And then pray some more. This is truly out of our hands, out of our control. This process has become a daily surrender.

So in the midst of us crying out to the Lord saying, "Is this exactly what your will is for us? Have we heard you right? Is this the destiny you have for all of us?" we hear this "ding" on Sam's new Blackberry phone. It's an email from Emily. This is no ordinary email. This is God speaking through this amazing young girl to give Sam and I encouragement and strength to continue this process.

Here are some excerpts from the email:

"When I got off the phone with the attorney, after she told us I should be prepared to parent, I just knew that this was not the Lord. All of these things that are happening are just obstacles the enemy is putting in our way to make us doubt the Lord's plan and I am not having it!"

"I have NOT ONE DOUBT that this is the path we are supposed to be walking down. And I have NOT ONE DOUBT that God is right next to all of us."

"I am so confident of this path we are on. This baby is Maximus Samuel Costello. :)"

"I know that if God is for me, than who can be against me?  I am absolutely willing to continue with this adoption and I wanted you guys to know that. I believe with all my heart that God is watching over us in this and I believe He is working in us, through us and around us." 

"I wanted you guys to know that I have not been moved by what has happened today." 

My tears are now happy tears. Rejoicing in the journey God is taking us on. I feel like we have this front row seat to watching this young girl blossom in the Lord. 

And hey! Aren't I supposed to be the mature person in this scenario? Shouldn't I be the one modeling a resounding faith and unmovable strength? Instead, Emily showed me how to respond by the Spirit today. Claiming victory in what lies ahead.

Thank you Emily. You are already the best birthmom we could ever ask for.

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